Connect with Compassion
Since young adulthood, I have had a deep interest in interpersonal relationships, and more specifically, the impact of communication within them. Discovering Nonviolent Communication, also known as NVC or Compassionate Communication, was a game changer for me. This modality of speech provided a structure for my thought process that brought comfort to my mind and heart, helping me be at peace with life’s many moments of mystery and not-knowing. The process and practice of NVC also supported me in facing and embracing my shortcomings with self-empathy, rather than self-criticism. Developing the skill of connecting with and accompanying myself directly corresponded to growing the ability to more effectively negotiate with life.
Compassionate Communication focuses on listening deeply, expressing honestly, and inviting authenticity into inner and outer interactions. Similar to asana practice on the mat, the communication techniques offer a clear structure to register moments of activation, whether positive or negative, pause, and explore what’s present in the current moment as it blooms into awareness before taking a more informed action. Connecting compassionately with ourselves facilitates the acknowledgement and understanding of our own deep needs and values, or, what matters most to us. This opens the doorway to feeling more secure and stable within, experiencing ourselves as the source of our own well-being, even in moments when life might be unsteady. We cultivate the confidence and courage to practice vulnerability, which allows us to experience others more directly and recognize our commonalities.
Discernment is maintained, while separation dissolves.
Within the context of relationships, and more specifically, conflict or misunderstanding - when we learn how to connect compassionately, both with ourselves and others, we begin to hear and understand the motivations behind seeming criticisms and destructive behaviors. Awareness of our own biases and reactivity is also essential to effectively bringing Compassionate Communication principles to our relationships. In moments of tension or reactivity, NVC practices foster consciously choosing to cultivate common ground and harvest solutions, rather than the knee-jerk tendency to fight, be right, or check-out. Over time, practice of this modality encourages familiarity and comfort with our inner world and deep grounding in our values and needs, which grows the crucial relational skill of listening deeply to others in emotionally charged situations without being swept away by the intensity.
Compassionate Communication practices also nurture the skill of listening to the narratives we carry within us, and more importantly, to develop awareness of how these narratives shape our perception. We organize our reality by building narratives, by naming and sorting experiences and situations into categories. And because we experience the world within the framework of opposites, when we name what something is, we also name what it is not. This often leads to questions like, "Am I a winner or a loser? Am I included or excluded? Do I matter or not?” Questions framed in this manner become a major cause of suffering, because they support the perception that if one person’s needs are fulfilled, another’s must be unfulfilled. NVC helps create an understanding of these either/or dynamics and how to transform them to collaborative, cooperative, and creative interactions that can potentially broker win-win deals, where all parties are fulfilled.
If you are interested in learning more about this unique and impactful communication process, Jane’s House Studio in Saint Charles warmly invites you to this off-the-mat practice on Tuesdays at 4pm. Join us to Connect with Compassion!
Reena Parrish spends much of her time at Jane’s House Studio, where she teaches classes in asana, communication, and contributes to the training programs. Reena also has a private counseling practice located inside the studio where she enjoys supporting her clients by mirroring back to them their uniqueness and potential, and empowering them to make choices aligned with their highest values. She loves writing, and is a regular contributor to the studio’s newsletter and blog.